Growing Pains of a Born Again Ex-Christian Agnostic

Moving from over three decades of Evangelical Christian living to a new paradigm is not the easiest thing to do.  It's like becoming an expatriate in a foreign country.  Everything is new:

Therefore if anyone is no longer "in Christ", he or she is a new creation: old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. [my re-mastering of 2 Corinthians 5:17]

Yes, the times are exciting, much like a newborn entering the world. 

But like a new baby, there are many growing pains.  Here are a few:

1. I still pray as if by habit:

I guess there is nothing wrong with that, but the problem is, whereas before I clearly addressed God as:

Dear Father in Heaven

And now I go:

Whoever you are out there, whether one god or many, or maybe a Great Force, or . . . perhaps I'm just talking to myself . . . ah, what do I do with all my free time now???

It gets confusing sometimes.  It must go with the territory.  I'll probably get rid of this praying habit after awhile.  Or maybe keep it, just to make myself feel good.  Shhhh, please don't tell the other agnostics and atheists ; )

2. I get lonely sometimes:

Striking out on your own after 32+ years as an Evangelical Christian requires courage, a sense of adventure, and perhaps a little bit of craziness.  Leaving one's comfort zone is, well . . . uncomfortable.  And admittedly, I get lonely sometimes.  I mean, before, I imagined that God is always with me.  And there were all these Christias around me with whom I could have "sweet fellowship". 

Now, where I live in Surrey, BC, Canada, Unceded Coastal Salish Territorities, it seems everywhere I turn there are Christians.  Or maybe it's like when you buy a Honda Civic, you notice all the other Honda Civics on the road.  Now it's like I can't escape them, when I'd much prefer meeting some freethinkers and agnostics.  Maybe my Christian friends have a voodoo doll in my likeness, and are sticking pins into it.   Or perhaps they are siccing the Holy Ghost, whom some call the "Hound of Heaven", on me . . .

Anyways, as long as you don't tell anyone, maybe I'll start praying to the gods of my Norwegian ancestors when I'm feeling a void in my heart:

Thor? . . . .Odin? . . . . are you out there?  Can you hear me?  I've given up on the Hebrew God who got hijacked by the apostle Paul and later the Roman Empire.  Will you take me back into your loving arms? 

Ouch!  Shit!  Please watch where you're throwing that lightning bolt!

3. I need to find a new basis of ethics
 
In my former life, I did everything, at least in principle if not in reality, according to the "inerrant" (error-free) Word of God contained in the 66 books of the Christian Bible.  Now I have to find a new justification for not cheating on my wife, not robbing a bank, not lying, not raising up an army to rid Canada of its god-damned neo-conservative politicians and their supporters, etc.

Not easy to find out this new basis of ethics, but it's doable.  Maybe we can call my whole process "detox" or "de-brainwashing".  Now, granted, there are parts of the Bible that I would still like to plagarise, such as "love your neighbour as yourself" and "put others above yourself".  The questionable parts, such as "submit to those in authority in all things", "trust in the Lord Jesus" and "all whose names are not in the Book of Life were thrown into the Lake of Fire", I will reject.  But why not consult the wisdom of every possible religion and philosophy, while reading the books of scientists and other thinkers? 

Or, if I'm lucky, an angel will come speak to me tonight . . .

In Conclusion

Every new start is tough.  At the same time, there is no lack of excitement and new discoveries.

I'm looking forward to each day with ancipation.

And when Christians give me that pitying look and say, "Well, I hope you come back one day", I will pray to whatever god (or maybe to myself) and say, "God forbid!" ; )

Cheers,

Bjarte Harvisen

Email me at
harvisen AT gmail.com